Where is the Manic in my Monday?

Today is nicely laid back, quiet and peaceful. Except for some minor/major turbulence, which I am not thinking about right now, everything is just fine. I think I finally got that peace of mind I was after, I feel like I might actually be on the other side of a few of my dark tunnels. It's kind of quietly amazing.


The party went off really well. Everyone was either dressed up or got that way with glow sticks or whatnot, and everyone looked awesome and we had a great time. Mark did end up sleeping in the back, and I missed him, but I still had a freaking ball. Vic said I could borrow his awesome wig for halloween! I hope to post pictures, probably on my myspace page. I think the birthday girl had a good time but it's hard to tell these days, since she is so wrapped up into her new b/f. Maybe more on that later.

Selfishness is the key to happiness...I said I would revisit it. In retrospect, I don't think I am ready to, because I haven't really gotten the flow of writing back yet. I'm already setting topics with nothing to back them up. Periodically during the weekend I tried to think of blog topics, or what am I going to write about on Monday, how will I write it, will it be any good? I came to the conclusion it doesn't matter if it's good, just that it's me. So I'm still working through the block.

I can't get over the weather right now. Something about this time of year just feels so right, I feel so connected and vital and beautiful, the weather is crisp and everything feels full color, FEELS like color, does this make sense? This is a particularly gorgeous fall as well, and I haven't lost a moment of it. I hope it lasts longer than previous years, I am in full mode to appreciate it.

"slogging" through

Ah, the sweet smell of Friday. And plan changes.

I am throwing my best friend Danielle her 24th birthday party which is also a halloween costume party...but Mark is down with the flu, and I'm not sure if I should have people here...confine him to the back and party down anyways...*which I might do* Poor baby. I was practically yelling at him last night because when he is sick, he is extremely dramatic and I was thinking I should call an ambulance or something. So much so I threatned him with it. He then laid down and quietly watched t.v. Today is not seeing much improvement, but mostly he is sleeping and I am keeping him medicated. What's the point of the flu shot if you actually get the full blown flu from it? Now I am sterilizing things and using germex and lysol wipes...I had the flu once and for the first time this year and I'll pass on it, thanks.

I'm getting used to this site, fiddling with the editing options and setting it all up, so it will probably see some changes in the next couple of weeks. Now if only the writing would improve. :) I stopped writing a while back and everytime I sit down to attempt it I am totally blocked. So I'm thinking maybe I should pick a specific direction, a satire blog or a family blog...but I hate being so limited. It's difficult writing this now, it's coming in spurts. (there is a visual.) So I think this entry will just be forced writing. I can only guess at this being the only way I finally get over the block. It used to be I would get enraged over a topic, or tickled or just need to vent and I could sit down and bang something out, now it takes me 3 hours to think of two things to say and by then I have MOVED ON.

I think I stopped writing after March sometime. We had a family incident (long story) and it burned me really badly, and I ended up with all this extra responsibility and just kind of got lost in it. I don't even read as much as I used to, and I am a voracious reader. And I'm learning I need to read and write in order to 1.) escape and 2.) get my thoughts in order. Let the poison out, express myself, blah blah. I'm also starting to learn (or have learned) that selfishness is the key to happiness. Mull over that if you choose to, as I have done, and I will explain it the next post.